D'Arcy Blaxell quick factsAge: 16
Star Sign: Taurus
Position: Defensive Midfielder
Favourite Footballer: Dave Williams
Food: Rasberry Cremes
Movie: Ali G
Song: The Punch
Word: Deadly
At Just 16 years of age, D'Arcy Blaxell is ready to take on the best in the ESFA AA6s. Eddy Blaxell caught up with the Team Fyfe Starlet.
D'Arcy Blaxell is unashamedly relaxed ahead of this weeks game. As I meet up with him he's slouched across the couch - head and legs protruding at either end - his gaze fixed on the TV screen in front of him. As I find myself a seat and turn on my computer, his gaze never wavers.
The young footballer could well be mistaken for a dole bludger, one of the millions of young Australians who spend their lives playing computer games and swindling taxpayer money, immortalised in shows like Today Tonight.
His words do little to change this perception. "It's tough. I have a fag brother who is a fag" is how he answers my first question, about his family life. Coach and father Michael describes him as "relaxed and casual," though ungracious and rude also spring to mind.
In the mould of Dave Carney, D'Arcy gets infinitely more talkative once we switch the conversation to football. The defensive midfielder (or striker, if you ask him) says he models his game on Sydney FC's workhorse midfielder Terry McFlynn, something sure to cause eye raising amongst Team Fyfe fans who have long singled out Blaxell as a player unlikely to stand up when the chips are down.
Blaxell has heard the criticism, but is determined not to let it affect his game: "I don't listen, it doesn't matter, because I know I'm the best player on the field."
His footballing upbringing has been influenced by long spells at Eastern Suburbs and Sydney High, and cites Ali Alsimail and coach Richard Gifford as two of his key influences. In fact, Blaxell will share his services between Loko Cove and Sydney High, where he has one year left on his six-year contract. He is hoping to help the club improve on last year's dismal position, but doesn't envisage staying long after that. "I hate fucking school," he says.
Michael is confident his second son will stand up to the rigours of all-age football, though has reservations about the player's disciplinary record and off-field habits. D'Arcy insists he's never been sent off, though the official statistics show four red cards against his name.As he screams at the games console in front of him ("too many fucking guys!"), it's easy to see why his father may be concerned. But just like the "fucking game," D'Arcy insists he gets a bad deal from the officials: "Blame the ref. Refs always get it wrong. I've never had a good ref."
Provoking comparisons with Mark Viduka, who infamously failed to differentiate between a hot water heater and a 4-4-2, D'Arcy shows a blatant disregard for the tactical side of the game. "Probably at half way" is where the players should line up, and "as long as Hibbert's at the back and we let Curran take long shots," all will be well.
And who has been impressive in training? D'Arcy wouldn't know; he doesn't train. He does make some predictions though: Curran and Hibbert will shine, while Chen "will probably get dropped after a couple of games because he's horrible."
On the topic of training, we couldn't help but ask the question on everyone's lips: what do the squad think of under-fire manager Morgan? "He's alright. He's just trying to live his dreams through his children. It's a problem for him that he's got such crap dreams, crap children and he's a crap coach, but we're pretty happy with him."
With the football out of the way, Blaxell is far more willing to discuss the finer things in life.
He describes himself as a huge Harry Potter fan, and makes a bold prediction as to the ending: "Harry is actually the horcrux so he has to kill himself to kill Voldemort." There is something eery about his frequent references to death, which his father dismisses as flights of drug-induced fancy. There is a sense of despair from Michael, who has been "telling him not to smoke for years."
Blaxell is a fan of "everfang" bands, and has a wife, Dilbert, who "helps me through the football season by doing everfang." He takes great pride in his mock American accent, which he thinks will get him everfang he needs.
Blaxell enjoyed a brief flirtation with eggball in his younger years, but gave it up because he "didn't like losing." Nonetheless, he is an avid follower of many sports. He is tipping South Africa to beat Australia in the cricket "world cup" final, and Inzamam to be convicted of eating Bob Woolmer. About his own form (the upper-order batsman averaged around 10 last season) he did not want to be asked.
Blaxell did, however, wish to put on record his hatred of newspapers, especially Sydney High publication High Notes. "Newspapers and I have never really got along well," he explains. "High Notes claimed I punched some bloke in the head at Joeys, but if you saw it you'd see he punched me. Then I kicked his head in."D'Arcy Blaxell will make his début for Team Fyfe against Sydney University this Sunday.
